Uno y uno

Asi que al final fuimos por una sola noche a Tofino, en la costa oeste de la isla de Vancouver. No dejo de repetir: que no es lo mismo que la *ciudad* de Vancouver, para que tomen apuntes los ...geografos...acento en la "o".

Estuvo bien. Igual caro por alla, aunque conseguimos el alojamiento con descuento por estar bien fuera de la temporada alta. Eso seria verano y aca es, como todos deben saber, invierno. De hecho, en esta zona, estamos al comienzo de lo que llaman la Temporada de Tormentas. Debe ser increible de ver desde uno de los lugares que visitamos hoy. Fuimos a pasear al Pacific Rim National Park Reserve, que es medio parque nacional, medio reserva indigena. O como se le llaman aca, los Primeros Pueblos. O Primeras Naciones. Algo parecido.

Habia un faro (to the lighthouse... "phare" en frances) pero flaite. Lo choro era que el que construyeron en 1906 fue totalmente destruido por olas. Te imaginas el pobre cuidador en esa epoca? Debe haber quedado sin casa un rato. "Lo choro"... yo soy muy brutal jeje.

Mi papa me conto que a veces llegan a estas costas del Pacifico unos globos de vidrio que los pescadores japoneses (a la vuelta de la esquina poh!) usan en sus mallas. No se para que ni por que son de vidrio pero se supone que caen en estas playas de olas tremendas (mas tremendas, no se, que Mar Brava en Zapallar). Hoy no encontramos, pero si un...cochayuyo... de como 14 pies de largo!

Todo el camino a Tofino es fuera de este mundo. Hay montanas y bahias y arroyos y cataratas y bosque, bosque, bosque, y nada mas. Y el pavimento es negro y nuevo y tiene curvas como de comercial de auto. Lo pase bacan manejando ayer.

Paramos en un bosque llamado Cathedral Grove, con arboles de 800 anyos! 800! En una isla cerca de Tofino hay arboles de 1500 anyos... esos pueden ser los seres vivientes mas antiguos que existan en la tierra. Alo!

Ok, y el bed & breakfast en que alojamos era (voz de abuelita de barbara mayer): fan-tas-tico! Ojala todos los hoteles fueran asi. Con canoa para los alojados, jacuzzi bajo las estrellas, estrellas!, todo de lujo, chef que trabajo en el Four Seasons..

Bueno, espero que esten recogiendo la baba. He sonado ene con gente de Chile ultimamente, debe ser que los echo de menos, snif! Asi que acuerdense de mi; mandenme un mail. Elvirita: quiero los detalles prometidos de la visita de Luke! Alguien que me mande el mail de la Paula O, y no olviden que esta de cumpleanos el viernes.

Vacation Watch

Isn't it great to be on vacation?

I've got two weeks off, and I'm spending them in bee-oo-ti-full Cowichan Bay, BC. That's on the east coast of Vancouver Island, between Victoria and Nanaimo. As soon as I get my pictures off my dad's camera, I'll upload them somewhere. Maybe I'll let you know where.

In the meantime, here's an artist's rendering I found on the Internet.

On Christmas day we had a double rainbow ending right on the water that meets the house's beach. Apparently rainbows are fairly common here, but since I've never been here before, I considered it a special xmas apparition. If you can't have snow, have rainbows!

Now it's on to planning a two-night stay in Tofino, on the west coast of the island. Gotta find a cute B&B with awesome views of the sea. Shouldn't be too hard. This place is like what the Japanese thought of their land and what G. Bush wishes: God's country.

Merry Christmas everyone!

La familia reunida

Todavía hay montañas de nieve en las calles de Montreal. Nevó... ¿nevaron?... 41 centímetros y con la temperatura a muy agradables 0 grados, nada se ha derretido. Aunque algunas personas crean que en Canadá estamos acostumbrados a esto, ha sido una nevada récord. Y sí, estamos un poco acostumbrados igual.

Este fin de semana me tocaron dos importantes visitas: la hermana de Tom con algunas de sus amigas, y su papá con la señora de éste.

Con la hermana, Becky, y su amiga Am, fuimos a bailar a Korova el viernes en la noche. Conocí no sé si el dueño o el administrador (uno nunca sabe muy bien estas cosas) de este bar de siempre para mí y mis amigos. Este miércoles tendré ahí una informal fiesta de navidad de la oficina. Nos cancelaron la fiesta oficial por falta de plata, así que algunas personas organizaron esta alternativa.

El sábado desayunamos en Bagels Etc, un local con una onda super rica, mezcla de neones ochenteros retro-50s, y lámparas como de burdel, butacas, etc.

En la noche nos juntamos todos con el papá de Tom y su señora. Ellos viven en Atlanta, pero como el señor está de cumpleaños hoy, aprovechó de venir a ver a sus hijos antes de continuar a Ottawa donde viven sus otros hijos, parece. Andaba chocho el señor con una foto de su nieto de 1 año. Nos invitaron a verlos a Atlanta, a ir donde la hija de la señora en Nueva York. Y, lo que dejó con la boca abierta, me tenían un pequeño regalo... aros dorados lindísimos de esa tienda tan elegant, Nordstrom. Imagínense. Y ni me conocían antes de anoche. Me cayeron super bien los dos en todo caso. Yo sé que Tom y su hermana tienen algunos rollos pendientes, en proceso de superación con el viejo y con la mujer, a quien conoció cuando aún estaba casado con la mamá de los niños. Pero yo no tengo los mismos rollos, así que los acepté tal cual se me presentaron. Igual te creo que la mujer podría perfectamente ser una mosquita muerta, sobre todo si uno cree las historias que Tom dice que su mamá cuenta de ella. Pero anoche: encantadora.

Ahora falta la mamá. Este jueves tomamos el avión a Vancouver a pasar 2 semanas con ella. Todo el mundo dice que es increíblemente lindo allá y las fotos que he visto lo demuestran. Tengo montones de ganas de ver este lugar yo misma. Me hace falta una cámara nueva para tomarle fotos.

Esta tarde voy al Cascanueces con mi papá. Tradición de niña ir con mi mamá a este ballet al "municipal" de Montreal: Place des Arts. Fue realmente un sorprendente y generoso regalo de mi papá esta invitación. ¿Qué me pongo?

snow up to my knees

Movie Tuesdays

I used to have a club called that, where I invited friends and their friends to come join me for a movie night out. Tuesday was the overall cheapest day to go; that's why I chose it.

I've seen my fair share of flicks lately. Last night I went to see King Kong. It was wicked! I highly recommend it. It was an old-school adventure/drama. Funny! Scary! Exciting! It seems like yesterday Naomi Watts was some unknown chick in Mulholland Drive... I kept superimposing her image in I *heart* Huckabees over her muddied gorilla loving face.

Adrien Brody was a hero :) So was Kong. I absolutely swoon for people who run *towards* danger.

On Tuesday I went to see The Squid & the Whale, which Sarah and I had been talking about seeing for weeks. It was so good! That was a funny movie. All of us -she, Jesse and I- are the kids of divorced parents and I guess we knew what they were talking about... I don't think I've ever been so exasperated in a light-hearted way before with a movie. Kind of like dealing with real life parents (roll of the eyes, "oh, go on then"). All of the actors were great, especially Kevin Kline's son Owen who sort of reminded me of Lu Ponce. Weird. Owen Kline was also in a great movie that's on DVD called The Anniversary Party. Please rent it.

***

Looking forward to a going-away party for Tristan and Amy at Grae's (you may know him from such hit postings as Groan). I could really use a little light-heartedness in my life right now. I keep remembering what Ricardo Alcoholado, the guy who read my birth chart in 2002, said to me about my relationships:

"You are too much on the light side, so you look for tormented souls to even you out. But it's dangerous and it doesn't work."

Since I *am* on the light side, I never take such dark advice seriously. "Something wrong? With my life? Nevah!"

Looking to reunite myself with the lighter side, where I am truly from...

Do you think happy people should join with other happy people or should they try to spread joy to sadder people? Charles, any ideas?

Zoobizarre

Checked out a new-ish place last night: Zoobizarre on St-Hubert and Beaubien. It's a undergroundish little place that looks like it's in a basement ("batcave") but it's really on a second floor.

It looked a lot smaller when we walked in, and then as we discovered additional coves, well, it got bigger. It also looked a gay bar when we first entered because right in front of us was the DJ, wearing a little sailor outfit??

Tom said we were going to hear some Polish DJs, which is hilarious enough.

The picture I had seen in The Mirror didn't do the place justice. In it, it looked like a cement basement, sort of like this smelly sweaty place in Chile called Bal-le-Duc. Pretty dank. But in real life, the cement is shpaed like stones, so it really looks like a wine cellar or a real dungeon. They just need to improve their lighting, like by setting up fake torches or something.

Anyway, the music was in fact bizarre. I got my dose of Pulp with Razzamatazz and Anorexic Beauty, wicked! Also heard some Tone Loc and a lot of electro-y, 80s-y songs in French.

The women's bathroom had the weirdest grafitti.

1) Neil Diamonds=fag
Neil Diamonds is the guy from The Unicorns and Islands. If I'd had a marker I would've gotten pretty mad at whoever wrote that. Neil Diamonds rules!

2) a big "I love CPC Gangbangs" etc.
That was pretty funny and unexpected. I guess you really *are* doing well with your new album, eh?

This afternoon: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
Tonight: XMAS party at Button & Nick's, woohoo!
Tomorrow: brunch with Sarah

The snow is blowing like crazy from the rooftops in front of my window. Scary...

Photos of Dallas/The Bone

The big "D"

That's what people from Dallas think everyone calls their city. So cute... :S

So I got my luggage back! Yeehaw!

Check out this souvenir I saw today: a wooden cut-out of the state of Texas with a cast iron pistol glued to it and in black marker "We don't dial 911". Yikes!

On the personal front, I'm pretty mad that I will only get one day off after 7 on the road. Yes, of course, *this* is the way to keep and nurture your employees! Yes!

Where's my raise?

Texas rose

Ok, I guess I owe an update. Well, to “owe” an update to my own blog is a pretty ridiculous concept but what the hell.

I’m in Dallas, working at the People of Color Conference (yes, that’s what it’s really called). I’ve had baby’s first racist experiences on this trip. First something that I’m not too sure qualifies but it sure was weird.

While we were at the gate in Philadelphia, the airline staff asked if anyone spoke Spanish. I said I did, although I was quite surprised that no one else would. I mean, isn’t this the Estados Unidos de America, after all? Anyway… I just translated for a Puerto Rican mother of two who had lost her baby carriage on the flight. Later, as I was getting on the plane some gentleman said what I did was really nice. Mm, thanks? Later still, in Dallas, while I was standing in line to declare my luggage delayed (more on this later), some woman stopped me to say –get this- “you don’t look like you’re Spanish”. Plop. I just told her that my family is Chilean and that blond people speak Spanish too and then she remembered having gone to some “quinceanera” party with a bunch of blond, blue-eyed teenagers. “Is that where you (the fairer Spanish speakers) are from?” Confusion on my part. Huh? Where, what? Chile? What? Whatever, again. That was just weird. I don’t “look” Spanish? Look, first of all, I’m not SPANISH, and second of all, what does that even mean?

But I guess she was just trying to be friendly, in a really annoying Dallas kind of way. I don’t want to say Texan because I really enjoyed the friendliness in San Antonio but here I just find it grating. “Sure will!” Shove it. Please.

I did get a t-shirt that says Texas in baseball lettering and has a rose on it. Cute. But that was only because US Airways lost my luggage!

This had never happened to me before. People: please put your nametag on all your luggage and never trust customer service reps and don’t ever fly through Philadelphia if you can avoid it. Someone listed my bag as being black when it is really green-grey. Yes, green-grey, I said. Quite clearly. The marvelous woman who finally put my Anne Klein loafers to my name got it. “The file said it was black but this bag was green… or grey”. “Yes! Green-grey!” Anyway, I’m still waiting for it because it took so long for someone to figure it out (I arrived sans luggage on Monday) that she had already sent it to Pittsburgh (yes, Pittsburgh) to the giant dump of anonymous bags, before she caught me. Cross your fingers.

Oh, my other racist experience was me, confusing the older black ladies who are our temps. Is it “they all look alike syndrome”? Maybe. I won’t dwell on my OWN shortcomings though. Puh-leeze.

Today is World AIDS day. I had never even seen images of street kids in China until today. And did you know there’s 5 million people with AIDS in India? It’s always about Africa, I didn’t even think about these other countries…

Does it disappoint you if I don't write?

All this, and a more weather-appropriate profile picture of me. Love, me. Love me.

Un gustito

Back in

I *love* being home!

NY is wicked, but I guess traveling is different when you're so happy at home. I missed it, and I probably would have enjoyed NY more if Tom could have come with us.

As it was, Barbara and I had a good time traipsing around the island and its buroughs. We hit Coney Island, Brooklyn, the Lower East Side to Morning Heights (to check out the diner from Seinfeld). It's amazing how many different kinds of people we could run into in a day... from the unsuspecting brats of the Upper West Side to the loonies at Port Authority.

Most of the loonies appeared to be on the bus with us on the way back to Montreal, actually. One guy in particular, across the aisle from us, drank the whole way, even minutes before getting off the bus to pass customs. He bought some whisky at the duty free and poured it into a Pepsi bottle. I called it alcoholism. Tom says an alcoholic would be jealous of such functionality -drinking 8 hours without passing out.

Tonight, Barbara is hitting the Nine Inch Nails. And the three of us will be hitting one of the bottles of Pisco Sour she brought me from Chile... tikitikití! Tomorrow, my dad will pick us up bright and early for a day trip to Potsdam, NY. Yes, that's right folks, world-famous Potsdam of Clarkson College fame and fortune!

Just kidding, it's home to some family friends and I'm excited to bring my gang along for introductions.

Right now it's time for a biddy nap after all that traveling without moving (you know, you just sit still on the bus...). Pictures to follow. I'm sick of posing!

What sex is your brain?

Ok, I can forsee A LOT of spam comments based solely on the title of this post, but it's worth it (especially now that I can moderate comments from my email).

The BBC has this Brain Sex ID test that you *must* take. Of course, beware, things like startling intelligence may make results vary. This, I believe, is how I came to have a slightly more male brain... ? Also, the fact that my ring fingers are slightly longer than my index fingers... Do it.

* * *

I'm all packed and showered and ready to take the midnight bus "going anywhere!" or New York, whichever I get off at first. Barbara has arrived in the Big Apple and is loving it. Phew! I'm a little nervous about showing off Montreal when we get back next week, especially to someone coming from a big city like Santiago and right after New York of all places. But I'm sure it will be fine.

* * *

Got my Turn on the Bright Lights CD in the mail today. I know, I'm late with that one, but worth it. As usual, bought on sale through "other vendors" on Amazon.

* * *

Have you seen the rioting in France? It's going completely insane...

* * *

My new favourite radio show to wake up to on weekends: Wire Tap.

New York Cares

It's time for my annual New York City pilgrimmage. As usual, I'll be accompanied by a great friend. This time it's Barbara "Bubi" San Martín who's flying in from Santiago, Chile. We wanted to go for Halloween for it just took too damn long for the Canadian Embassy to give her a visa, so we had to postpone a bit. Nevermind, it's all worked out now. I'll be in the City on Tuesday!

As usual, I'll be taking the overnight bus. I prefer the bus to the train for going to NY, although I admit the view from the train, along the Hudson, is pretty amazing.

* * *

Last night was the final night of Amy's production of Everyman, which Tom was acting in. It was lots of fun seeing the ensemble play together, and this was my second night going. I'm also immensely proud of Amy for putting on the show. It's one thing to want to do something like that and quite another to go through with it.

* * *

Met Button et al at the new Ye Olde Orchard downtown last Thursday. It's pretty nice, and smells very new. I sniffed the booths and the menus. Neeewww.

* * *

Am officially sick and tired of partying crowds and noisy drunks. I'm sure I'll get over it soon, but right now, it's all a bit much. Maybe it's Korova overdose?

* * *

Brujerias

Mea culpa, olvide llamar a mi mama anoche. Pero a cambio, pasee 6.5 kilometros al borde del rio San Lorenzo con mi papa. Como estan divorciados hace como 16 anyos, no creo que valga pasear a uno en vez de llamar a la otra, pero yo me invento maneras de justificarme... en broma, por supuesto. Solo porque mi mama lee este blog y asi ve que hice algo util con mi tiempo.

***

El fin de semana de Halloween me mato a la primera. Sali el viernes y con eso no pude mover otro pie durante el resto del festivo. Quede plop. Fui disfrazada de socialite barata, que en el fondo fue ponerme la misma ropa que me he puesto para mil matrimonios, pintarme a tontas y a locas, y acarrear de utileria una de mis muchisimas copas de martini (asi me daba lo mismo si se perdia o se rompia. En realidad no me dio lo mismo, porque varias veces me resisti a entregarsela a varias personas diciendo "no, tu eres hombre, se te va a romper".)

Me perdi a mis amigos Anna y Fred disfrazados de Meg y Jack White, y a mi amigo Steve disfrazado de Kurt Cobain (lo hizo estupendo disfrazado de su polola la noche anterior, eso si).

Este noche es la de los ninos pero como vivo en edificio, dudo que se aparezcan. Aca, ademas de los dulces, uno da monedas, que se ponen en una cajita Unicef que luego los ninos llevan al colegio para su recolecta.

***

Estuve asomada al blog de idola Clara Szczaranski - szczaranski.blogspot.com - que les recomiendo, si no les da mucha lata el estilo abogadistico... Es como otro idioma el que hablan en el mundo juridico, pero tiene su gracia igual.

Is this legal?

I'm trying something new, an option to share songs with everyone over my blog. Here's a Beatles song to start the trend. Please note: it only works for 7 days or 25 downloads, whichever comes first, but I can renew it if it's popular. I'll be uploading new songs if it works out, too.

The Beatles, I Should've Known Better

***

Movies on the brain. So I did see all those movies from the Nouveau Cinema fest this weekend, except Montreal Main. I also rented Lords of Dogtown, which has been appearing in my mind's movie screen intermittenly ever since. The one I most recommend is Romance & Cigarettes, directed by John Turturro. It's super fun, and a touching movie as well. Kate Winslet is astounding. See Tony Soprano dance!

***

Looks like I'll miss the Halloween parade in NYC, but I should still be there for Halloween. They have the parade on Sunday and my friend Barbara and I are most likely going to meet there on Monday, so... I still don't have a disguise but now I don't know if I really need one. Things have changed since I used to think of it starting in August. I don't know why... I was always a punk. Until one year, I was an anti-punk. Heh.

***

So many things are going on, I don't know if I can get them all down here. Too many bands are playing in the coming weeks, I'll probably miss them all.

NEWS: There's going to be an H&M in Montreal! Oh god, please don't let it be all the way in the West Island or something...

This is water

I wish I could organize a film fest.

The Nouveau Cinema film fest is going on until Sunday in Montreal. I went to see Canadian/Indian director Deepa Mehta's Water last night with Tom at the Imperial Theatre. It's a beautiful historical landmark that was renovated a couple of years ago. Plush red seats with double armrests, that don't bounce up as soon as you stand to take your jacket off. Everything a little operatic.

This evening I'm going to see John Turturro's film Romance and Cigarettes (starring Susan Sarandon) with Hilary. She got passes for the fest and that's how I started looking into what was showing. Tomorrow I think I'd like to go see the 1974 film Montreal Main, in French, about the relationship between a teenager and an effeminate photographer that takes place with our adored Saint Lawrence Boulevard as the backdrop.

avances que parecen retrocesos

Ah, post en espanol. Se alegran algunas personas especiales!

Con la experiencia de los pocos eventos tragicos en mi vida (la muerte de la Sole, el fin de Pato e Isabel) he confirmado mi opinion de que de la mierda crecen las plantas mas frondosas. Es una ecuacion proporcional, segun yo.

Ahorita no hay dolores de ese tipo en mi vida. Estoy en Montreal, donde mi siento en casa, y que es una ciudad que amo casi como si fuera una persona, con muchisima pasion. Estoy super tranquila y estable en la economia personal, lo cual era mi meta principal al venirme, y me llenan de halagos en la pega. Bien. Un canceriano poetico y realista me llena de carinos. Y ante tanta felicidad pacifica... no tengo mucho que decir!

Ergo, no tengo mucho de que escribir, ni ganas de hacerlo, y tampoco me importa demasiado.

Todo esto me parece que tendra mala reaccion en mi grupo cercano, porque he notado que la gente esta super aferrada a la idea de mi como alguien que escribe. Pero a mi me parece muy natural y consecuente con mi naturaleza de siempre. Las cosas que he dicho que jamas hare (ser periodista, ser escritora, trabajar en produccion), las he hecho todas. A la inversa, las cosas que pense que durarian para siempre se han acabo, porque asi funciona todo y tampoco me molesta que asi sea.

Les cuento lo que siento. "Nada que decir", bueno, nunca *tuve* nada que decir. Era el "como" lo decia no mas. Y ahora... no tengo ganas de decir "nada" de ninguna manera especial. La degeneracion de un mensaje vacio.

Para mi es algo bueno. Es como una lenta transicion desde la fantasia y la vida separada de los demas, a una vida terrenal, pequena, como siempre quise. Comprar el pan y las verduras y volver a casa. Seria mi maxima aspiracion, se los prometo. Domesticidad total.

Ay, yo no voy a hacer promesas de lo que hare o dejare de hacer. Pero asi estan los paquetes, amigos. Por si les importa. Yo creo que si, jiji :)

less boring days

Exciting things rarely happen at conferences...

Just now, though, our calm-to-the-point-of-boring environment at the Palais was disrrupted by cries of "catch him! catch him!", immediately followed by a tall blond man hurdling the stanchions in front of Registration with an open duffel bag cradled in his arm. Our man Giuseppe tried to catch him in the revolving doors to the metro but I think he got past him. Now *there* was some excitement.

Almost as heart-racing as the "live actors" haunted house Tom, Amy, Julian, Justine and I went to in Niagara Falls. Wicked! There were 3 levels of scary so obviously we took the highest one. I was crying I was so scared, and it was just "run! run! run!" through the dark maze with a human werewolf ("grrrr") reaching out to knock off my tuque and then mock me for looking for it on the black floor (mock whimpering voice: "my hat! my hat!").

I think nothing is more boring than "conference stories" to the people who haven't been there. I mean, it's not like we work in a seedy, yet thrilling environment, or do any life-saving stuff or anything. It's just doctors in and out.

And that's what I'll be doing until Wednesday. This could prove detrimental to my health. Hope not. Where did I leave my life again?

and....more!

"it's on our radar"... uh-huh

how about mispronunciations or misspellings or is that too mean? nah... it's all in good fun!

"data dentry"

"per diedem"

"post modem"

hohoho.

I just had a meeting at work that touched on travel arrangements among other things. I meant to get a good private joke in about sharing rooms but the time just never came up.

ohmygod, another one

Corporate mumbo jumbo:

"best of breed", as though we were talking about dogs in here...

Mi foto freak con Alex Bowen en un coctel del Film Fest de Montreal.


Zebra con Tom.

Time Stands Still

Do you realize you have the most beautiful face?
Do you realize we're floating in space?
Do you realize that happiness makes you cry?
Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die?
And instead of saying all of your good-byes,
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round
-Flaming Lips

Beck sang that last night. It was beautiful. The whole concert was. I was happy enough after seeing ex-Unicorn Neil and his new band Islands -epic- but Beck just blew it all away. He was danceable, laughable, speechless and wonderful. From now on, it's the floor for me!

He started pretty late, considering the doors opened at 6:30pm, but then again there were 2 opening acts. It was past 9:30pm and I was starting to complain to Kristen (who so kindly invited me), thinking about getting to bed to get to work... but Beck blew that all away, didn't he? Time stood still. It didn't matter what time it was, what day it was, how old I was even... Beck is like suspension in time of the good times.

And he loves Montreal. "He probably says that everywhere he plays", said Kristen. Maybe, maybe...

The visuals were awesome as well. I wonder if the first ones were fractions of something else repeated over several times or what.

***

I got my US visa application for work. Just because the US government intends to have full knowledge and control over my past doesn't mean I do. I can't remember all my travel dates in the last 10 years, and much less come up with a complete list of employers and residences... Who knows their high school's phone number? And I simply refuse to answer this one:

"list all professional, social and charitable organization to which you belong (belonged) or contribute (contributed) or with which you work"

Are you kidding? Like, every donation I've ever given? Huh?

I'm not moving to the US, it's just a work visa because I travel there a lot.

And no, I have never "ordered, incited, assisted or otherwise participated in the persecution of any person because of race, religion, national origin, or political opinion under the control, direct or indirect, of the Nazi government of Germany". Geez.

***

Sofia Vergara aparece en la tapa de la revista canadiense para hombres TORO este mes.

Y me encontre con un flyer para una fiesta "bring your own i-Pod". Te invitan a programar un set de 10 minutos durante la fiesta, conectando tu iPod. Asi estan las cosas.

El cielo esta cubierto, majestuoso, y tengo una vista privilegiada.

ruminations of a chilequebe

So I spilled coffee on myself again this morning. And of everything I was wearing, guess where it spilled? On my shirt. And of all the colours on the shirt, guess where it landed? On the white.

What is it about white? I’m 30; am I still not old enough to wear white safely?

Funny coincidence: I bumped into Steve on the way to work. I normally take Duluth but I already had, coming from the other way, so on my way back to work I decided to take Rachel for a change. Anyway, it’s a funny coincidence because Tom and I met Steve last night, walking home on Duluth. He didn’t see us at first, even when we walked right by him, so Tom grabbed his bum and even then, I’m not sure he knew who it was when he slowly turned around and said “nice….” Haha. Oh, Steve.

***

We were sent a job posting at work, for the next position up from mine. I’ve talked about this to a few people and I really feel like I can’t *not* apply. So I sent an email to one of the directors (probably not the right person to send it to) asking to talk to her about it. I don’t know what it means if I don’t get this job (aka promotion) but it would probably be one of a few things that would eventually push me to leave. There’s something really weird about the company I work for, where it seems to suck people in and keep them stuck here like flies on tar. I probably shouldn’t be saying that, given what I’ve just said above, haha.


***

Going to see Beck with Kristen tomorrow night. Mostly, I really want to see the opening act, because it’s supposed to be one of The Unicorns. Life will never be the same again without them. I heard what I understand to be the other guy from the band on the radio, as part of a project called Abominable Snow. It was cool.

Un 18 atrasado: Chile fuera de Chile

No estoy muy segura de la fecha... el fin del otoño y el ...no, el fin del verano y el comienzo del otoño se entremezclan extrañanamente en mi Montreal. Hace un sol caliente, pero un viento frío. No sé la temperatura, no sé nada. Todo está súper bien.

Ayer fuimos Tom, Amy, Maude y yo a ver La Sagrada Familia al Montreal Film Fest (que no es el mismo que el antiguo World Film Fest de Montreal). Nos encantó a todos y creo que al resto del público también. Lástima que habían anunciado subtítulos en francés y en inglés y sólo había en francés, así que Amy y Tom -que son anglófonos- no entendieron el 100%. Pero igual se ríeron y se involucraron y les gustó harto. Todos votamos por la Pati López para la mejor actriz. Pero luego hablé con el Zebra y me contó malas noticias acerca de la organización de la parte del concurso del festival. Qué charcha. Esta noche le mostraremos un lado más amable de Montreal para que no se vaya enteramente desilusionado.

Mi plan es: comida afgana en un "bring your own wine" de la calle Duluth y luego bares baratos y anglófonos en la calle Saint Laurent.

También viene la Pamela Biénzobas, a quien conocí hace muchos años atrás (Album Negro, JL) trabajando en Tutopia... ¿alguien se acuerda? A veces echo de menos trabajar en un sitio internet.

***

Lo que más me gustó de llevar a mis amigos de acá a ver La Sagrada Familia fue la oportunidad de compartir con ellos lo que considero mi verdadera cultura chilena. Decía anteriormente que no siento nada en común -salvo la nacionalidad- con la comunidad de chilenos más antigua acá. Políticamente soy moderada, todo lo contrario del extremismo que es considerado normal en Chile, y socialmente mi mundo es demasiado pequeño como para coincidir con mucha gente. Pero cuando puedo mostrarles a mis amigos estas imágenes de Tunquén, de gente joven haciendo lo que hace la gente joven, (joven: barf) no sé... de naturalidad... ésa es mi cultura chilena. Quisiera poder informarlos de más cosas de primera mano: exposiciones de arte, más películas (¿Pato?), textos, música...

A veces existe la impresión aquí de que Latinoamérica es México, o el Caribe. Y aunque aprecio a esos pueblos, eso no es Chile, ni Argentina, ni Uruguay, ni Brasil, ni el Perú... Me da risa igual, así que no me pongo muy grave (aunque los que me conocen saben que me exalto por todo, jaja) pero qué risa que todo sea "salsa" y "tacos". Hasta el restaurant chileno La Chilenita tiene que ofrecer "platos chilenos y mexicanos" para lograr algo. Y a las empanadas la gente les dice "empañadas", eso es genial. De ésas hay en todas partes. Y rellenas con de todo. Masa integral. Lo que quieras.

¿Les conté que en el asado del 18 con la asociación de chilenos de québec le tuve que traducir la palabra "carrete" a un señor chileno? Divertido. pregunta abierta: ¿Qué tengo en común con ese señor? Carmencita: para tu Cultural Studies. Dime, ¿qué tengo en común con él aparte de una raza que mi familia niega y una nacionalidad que tengo por paternidad?

No es quiénes somos los chilenos (barf de nuevo), es quién es Chile?

Creo que como Montrealesa y Québequois anglófona tengo el mismo tema con Canadá, aunque diferente. Qué constituye un pueblo independiente? "a distinct society" es como se define Québec dentro de este país. A ver si alguien me lo explica.

Los quiero, y espero que se entretengan con este raro post en castellano (nadie le dice castellano acá, ¡ni siquiera los que lo hablan!)

Daily Diary of a Tooth Whitener

I was supposed to write all these random things I had been doing in the past few days but my mind is as cloudy as the day outside (in a happy way,albeit). Hmm... what was it I was going to say?

Do you find it odd that I write down when I do certain housekeeping chores on my calendar so that I can tell later how long it's been since I've done them? Like, I'll mark down "bath & floors" on today's square so that in 2 weeks I can say "oh my god, it's been 2 weeks since I cleaned the floors". Otherwise I'd forget.

Oh! Hey, I ordered a teeth-whitening kit on eBay for, like, half of what it costs at the pharmacy. I'll tell you how it goes. I think that's what I was supposed to write about. The Daily Diary of a Tooth Whitener. Yeah, I'll let you know.

Tom and I have this project we made up the day we started seeing each other. We're going to map out the alleyways in our neighbourhood. We have a reference map, we bought clipboards (nerds!!), and clicky pencils. All we need is graph paper. You can't steal this idea just because you read it here, though. Swear it!

Anyway, our map would still be better.

Tonight I'm meeting the Sacred Heart girls at La Sala Rossa for tapas-dinner. Last night I saw a piece of L'Auberge Espagnol. My best friend Mariana lives in Barcelona. Maybe I should go... soon... what do you think?

In Tom's Words...

Chilequebes (pronounced Chih-lee-kweebs): Chilean Quebecers


(I don't mind if no one else finds this funny).

still ok

but the more blogs I read the more I have the distinct feeling that mine is pretty crap.

but -she forms a smile- when has that shut me up before?

Halloween in NY!

Great news: I've been given permission at work to take off the week of October 31 so I'm going ahead with my ORIGINAH plan and spending Halloween in NYC with my friend Barbara San Martin. So exciting! I have thought of a disguise but I can't imagine where to get it. I want to dress up as a human heart, with veins and aorta and all. Have you seen this anyplace? I'm no good with my hands so forget about making it myself. This girl is *not* artsy-craftsy. Just flakey.

Another friend, Zebra, is coming into town on Wednesday to show his movie at one of the spin-off movie fests. That should be a blast. I drove to his set while they were filming in Chile so I can't wait to see the end product. The movie is called La Sagrada Familia and the blog is estaeslasagradafamilia.blogspot.com
me on the set, when I made the initial decision that would take me back home, to Montreal.

More visitors: my friend Pepi in NYC just let me know that the band Panico is coming to Montreal at the end of October and that Edu Pistolas is looking to hang out with the Chilean community then. Like Pepi said: "aka, you". It's true. Yesterday was Chile's independence day and I went with my dad to a picnic in Angrinon park organized by the provincial association of Chileans. It was alright, but there was no one there who I would have hung out with had I been in Chile, you know what I mean? I mean, what did I have in common with everyone besides being Chilean? I don't have an answer to that... It was nice to spend a little time with my dad, anyway. My dad who brought white, Argentinean wine to the picnic... classic.

For Mr. Pistola's visit, Tom said he'd pretend to be Chilean and would gladly join forces with our friend Steve to show the guy a good time. Phew, I know I can trust those guys to show another guy a party in this city.

-definitely, coming out of a bad time is the best time to write. sorry, I'm not in that space right now and I don't plan to be for a while. I'll keep writing but expect nothing special-

a short glossary of gross office slang

Another one:

*soft copy

(barf)

Sorry, guys, my computer at home is busted again and I haven't had time to worry about it so I've been remiss with this whole blogging thing. But I hope those of you here in Montreal are enjoying this extended muggy summer we're having. Viva el calentamiento global!

"Fear is the worst place to manage from", said some CEO-type on the CBC's documentary about the 1995 Quebec referendum. I agree.


News:
* Fred successfully defended his master's thesis today
* Kristen is back in town!
*Courtney won't be coming to Montreal; this is so sad.
*my home computer is on the blink... but I'm in no hurry to get it fixed. Life has other plans for me right now. Damn fine plans, indeed.

chispas!

I knew I was forgetting someone, heh heh...

The boys of summer

Talk about a blast from the past. I realized tonight that I've bumped into everyone I've dated and/or had a fling with since I came back to Montreal this past week. Except for Courtney, but we emailed ;)

My Rob Brezsny horoscope for this week is semi-haunting me since it seems to hold some kind of clue about the solution to my current problems. This is what is says, all you aquarians:

When your plane takes off and the flight attendants give you their lecture on what to do in case of emergency, they often remind you that "your nearest exit may be behind you." That's good advice for you to keep in mind during the coming week, Aquarius. I don't mean to imply that you'll be facing some literal danger that will require you to make a quick escape. What I do suggest is that you remove yourself, at least temporarily, from a certain process that's barreling full-speed ahead. The best way to do it is to go backward, into the past, or in reverse.

Are these two things related: the bumping into the past and the past Rob Guru's referring to? I'm lost. Lost as ever. Maybe lost is my natural state and I don't mind it so much.

Also, this wicked thing happened to me during my first ever Kundalini yoga class on Wednesday. Well, two wicked things. One is that I felt this crazy tingling in my face that I'd only felt before in the presence of Guachupé. And the second was during this "opening your heart" excercise where I was totally inspired to forgive this person for the pain he introduced into my life and I wanted to ask him if he forgave me too. I even called his house but there was no answer.

"vegan except for sushi"

This is hilarious. I just caught this in the first Bad Sex (without Neal Pollack) column on Nerve.com. Someone is describing some dude from Sarah Lawrence College in the States, and that's what she says about him: "vegan except for sushi". It's exquisite.

Maybe it's better that I didn't do a liberal arts degree on this continent... :)

I'll tell you a story that came up in a conversation a couple of days ago, and that I've been reminded of again today. I would like to find out what secret messages may be hidden in this story and how it's affected me since it happened.

I was in elementary school. Probably 10 or eleven years old. For as long as I can remember I've had a key to whatever house I was living in because both my parents worked and would not return until after school was out. During elementary school I also used to go home for lunch and so I needed to let myself in. My younger brother also came home for lunch, but not necessarily every day. I don't really remember what activities may have kept him away.

What I do remember is that Chrissy's mom, who lived right across the street from me, did not work, and was home all day. I must have discovered this one time that I forgot my key and she invited me to have lunch with her.

Well, I love a welcoming home and I guess I must have started "forgetting" my key more often. Maybe not conciously, but you get the idea, don't you? I was just a girl looking for some home loving. I still am, by the way.

Until one day, Chrissy's mom was on the phone and I overheard her talking about me. She seemed to be talking to a friend, saying how she felt bad for this lonely little girl from across the street but that it was getting to be too much, or something.

Kind of broke my heart.

Things like this don't really break my heart anymore, but I'm not made of plastic either. I still find myself occasionally taking up more space in someone's life than they seem to want me to. Or like, say, one friend really wants me there but another doesn't.

Like hearing someone's mom tell you "maybe it's time you went home now, Isabel", it may not bust but it bruises.

I am so bad

I'm either getting myself into trouble or I'm getting myself into other sorts of trouble. I am so so bad.

...Man, I love it. Perhaps one day I shall grow up and then it will all be gone, both the trouble and the thrills I get from it.

PLEASE have a good weekend and don't let anyone tell you not to!

"A real limbic brain kind of night"

This is also about how I want (how+I also looks like howl... anyway) This is also about how I want to construct my life, on a daily basis.

I am looking for bravery, in myself and in others. I'm willing to initiate the bravery factory. Don't have a problem being the trendsetter.

Doomed but Energetic. Doomed is a fact that returns to haunt me every so often and then I follow one of two paths: lazily give in to it and wallow and complain. this often produces pretty funny results that entertain people so it's not all bad. Or pump myself up with positive spin by taking a step back and making light of my doom. This is the energetic side.

Right now I want to focus on the construction of me and the bigger picture instead of trying to pinpoint *the* decision that will save my life. How could I make the wisest decision if I'm missing information about who I am and what my stengths are and what I want?

Pieces have been coming together slowly and I have a feeling they will continue dropping in a maddening pace until it's all over.

Now. Now. Now.

***

Later:
I am such a wuss. Who knew brain paths were so difficult to erase?

You know the sharp nostalgic feeling you get when you see something that reminds you of someone? That's the brain path at work. But then, lacking stimulus, the path fades and the "something" reminds you of the "someone" less and less until it doesn't hurt anymore, or not nearly so much.

But I am a wuss. And sometimes it seems like for-effing-ever until something doesn't remind me of someone.

Wuss. Wuss. Wuss.

Yoga bunny says: hop!

A great yoga session last night. Teresa and I continued our "tour" of yoga classes around town at a place on St. Denis called Coeur Corps, I think. This is when I think the Montreal Yoga Directory lacks some things you pick up about classes by going that other people might benefit from finding out about on a website, like the fact that this teacher has a huge sense of humour and her class is mostly cracking little jokes. Very light. I went in pretty angry (work, what else?) and came out bubbly.

Walked around the Ghetto and the Plateau looking for some friends, but goddamn them they don't have cell phones. They weren't at the Bifteck and they weren't at Miami so I gave up. Should've asked someone to call me after my class...

Hey! Lo & The Magnetics will be playing next Tuesday, August 30 at a place called Lounge Eleven, 4445 St. Laurent, that's just below Mount Royal. $5. The show will start around 10:45pm says Chris. Originally, I told him I couldn't go because of work, but you know? When the future comes around I won't care either way whether I was at work early or not, so I've decided to go in late the next day and go to the show. Get your priorities straight, people! People before companies!

leaps and bounds of faith

Back at work, only in body. I used my university days technique: "don't think about why you're getting up, just do it". And then I come to work and continue "not thinking about it" but I can't help looking around and seeing everyone chugging away at their laptops, inhuman work.
This is easy work, anyone could do it. So why is it so hard?
When I was fed up at Events the winter of 2004 I wanted to quit and just write and I called my mother and told her about it and she said, quite to my surprise, that I should. That I should take the leap of faith, that things would work out for me. But I quickly got scared, mostly of being poor, and I didn't do it. And now I feel the same. Most of me wants to quit, like, now. But then this other mean side of me reminds me I may not be able to pay the rent. What have I gotten myself into?

Anyway, I'm not working at all today. I guess I did, but in body only. I told you: anybody could do it with their mind closed.

Want to open a sex shop? A movie memoribilia store? A DJ Marketing enterprise? Let's do something where we get to walk around and hang out in different places, not always the same. Let's meet new people all the time and work on the big picture. Let's make a living out of the great part of life that is NOT cold-hearted like a reptile.

Will I be convinced this time or will I lose again? Stay tuned. In the meantime, I liked this:

Mr. Jeavons Said That I Was A Very Clever Boy

Mr. Jeavons, the psychologist at the school, once asked me why 4 red cars in a row made it a Good Day, and 3 red cars in a row made it a Quite Good Day, and 5 red cars in a row made it a Super Good Day, and why 4 yellow cars in a row made it a Black Day, which is a day when I don't speak to anyone and sit on my own reading books and don't eat my lunch and Take No Risks. He said that I was clearly a very logical person, so he was surprised that I should think like this because it wasn't very logical.

I said that I liked things to be in a nice order. And one way of things being in a nice order was to be logical. Especially if those things were numbers or an argument. But there were other ways of putting things in a nice order. And that was why I had Good Days and Black Days. And I said that some people who worked in an office came out of their house in the morning and saw that the sun was shining and it made them feel happy, or they saw that it was raining and it made them feel sad, but the only difference was the weather and if they worked in an office the weather didn't have anything to do with whether they had a good day or a bad day.

I said that when Father got up in the morning he always put his trousers on before he put his socks on and it wasn't logical but he always did it that way, because he liked things in a nice order, too. Also whenever he went upstairs he went up two at a time, always starting with his right foot.

Mr. Jeavons said that I was a very clever boy.

-Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time

O-hio!

I'm only on page 28, but I would looove to run home and spend the afternoon reading Shogun. I called my mother last night and told her about it and she reminded me that when I was very little and the series was on tv, I used to say I could speak Japanese because I knew the words from the show.

Ohio gosimasu!

Twinkle, twinkle, little star, I wish for... a samurai or a cowboy... a man with a code of honour and no BS. Maybe he could look like Robert Redford too, haha.

Nos divertimos en primavera

Uf, estuve sin Internet en casa durante ...cuantos dias fueron al final? Ni siquiera lo he calculado pero quizas un par o un poco mas. Fue terrible. Sufri. En serio! Luis nunca me deja sufrir, me recuerda que no soy una ninita muriendo de hambre en el Sudan. Y es cierto, pero igual lo pase mal.

Probablemente tenga relacion con la "incontinencia brinckiana" que me diagnostico Maza. El asunto es que sin poderme comunicar con mis amigos, me senti casi ovillo al fondo de una caja oscuro. Pena, pena, pena. Y peor para los amigos locales, porque para mi el vuelco despues de la pena es el juzgamiento. No me llamaste para avisarme del carrete, por que no? No me quieres suficiente. Agh, sueno como mi papa: "no me diste suficientemente las gracias". Guacala.

Y estoy en mi semana libre, sin horarios y sin trabajo. No ha sido tan emocionante como me lo imaginaba, y hasta he pensado si no sera una perdida de tiempo. Cuesta tener horas en que no soy productiva, ni laboral ni personalmente. Pero que es productiva...que es?

Si estas leyendo esto, es que entiendes espanol, y te recomendaria el blog de mi prima, pero no se si su intencion es que lo lean otras personas asi no publicare su URL.

Pa que lo dije entonces? Porque es mi blog y digo lo que se me antoja. A proposito, tengo una duda: por que en Chile estan posteando en sus blogs cosas que ya han salido en medios masivos? Tengo curiosidad por este extrano fenomeno...

La onda por estos dias es "leave well enough alone" y tratar de saborear mi momento. Creo que fue simbolico echar todo a perder tratando de mejorar el sistema operativo de mi computador, que no era gran cosa pero funcionaba. Y por eso creo que ahora es tiempo de no estar pensando tanto en avances sino en quietud. El ahora, como dicen.

Creo que estoy lateando. chao!

Rejuvenating sun

"I wish I haaaad Paul Newman's eyes, and every day came with some surprise. That would be nice."**

That was me, singing in an audible though not loud voice, biking down Cristophe-Colombe on my way home from the Laurier Pool. During legal business hours now, heh. Isn't it amazing how just an hour or two of nice, warm sun can produce an effect as positive as a massage?

My week off has begun and I plan to just enjoy my life without that big ugly annoying part that is "work" in the middle of my otherwise fantastic days. I overheard a woman at the pool saying that we've had 28 days of +30 degree weather this summer in Montreal. :)

I recommend everyone follow the link in the comment that was posted in the previous entry. I didn't check out the facts, but apparently it's a commencement speech by David Foster Wallace to a liberal arts class. I didn't study liberal arts and I haven't even read DFW, but I like the way he thinks.

In other news, I would like to marry Owen Wilson now. If someone knows him and can make an introduction, I'm game.

Off to bikram yoga now to break a sweat in the name of flexibility and concentration.

*Heart*

**a song by Dogs Die in Hot Cars

Catch this phrase

"play it by ear" is THIS close to being included on my list of catch-phrases I despise. Others are:
-I'm a visual person
-Partners in crime

Recent addition:
-The nature of the beast

Now someone tell me why, if the rest of my life is such a source of joy, work has to be a slippery slope of frustration. Does that make any sense?

Looking up my skirt

Ok, not to sound all conceited, but I would be jealous of myself. Last night, after good tacos, Bat Macumba, rum, rum, rum, then dancing to Brazilian music at that second floor dance club on Mount Royal, you know the one with the old couches and velvet curtains? Ok, after that, after Salonica poutine on Sarah's steps, we broke-into-Laurier-pool-and-skinnydipped! Man. Is that the funnest thing ever? Kinda. And we didn't even get caught.

Los Calientes

¿Querías un post en español, Chi-k? Aquí te va. Vas a tener que leer entre líneas o preguntarme si quieres saber la historia tras esto! :P

Ella va a salir esta noche dejando a atrás
su vanidad.
Quiere gustar y ser gustada,
sentirse deseada, bailar y bailar.
Cómanse a besos esta noche
total nadie lo va a notar.
Cómanse a besos esta noche
total nadie lo va a notar.
Él va a salir esta noche dejando atrás
su vanidad.
Tiene un compromiso muy corto,
se siente seguro de provocar.
Si no te apreciara tanto
te daría un beso que te haría temblar.
Como yo te aprecio mucho te lo voy a dar igual.
Cómanse a besos esta noche
total nadie lo va a notar.
Ella va a salir esta noche
dispuesta a dar su vanidad.
Va a jugar su parte coqueta,
está tan lanzada le viene lo que hay.
Si no te apreciara tanto
te daría un beso que te haría temblar.
Como yo te aprecio mucho te lo voy a dar igual.
Cómanse a besos esta noche
total nadie lo va a notar.
Cómanse a besos esta noche
total nadie lo va a notar.
Cómanse a besos esta noche
total nadie lo va a notar.
Cómanse a besos esta noche,
hoy es tiempo de desnudar.

forgot to add this

Does anyone else hear "anemics for summer" on the CBC instead of "a new mix for summer" or whatever it is they're really saying? I seriously thought that's what they said for probably all of July.

In other news, Scotty says I was "personal of the day" on The Onion the other day. I say it's his excuse for explaining to his girlfriend how he happened upon my personal ad, but whatever! ;) The first thing I did was go onto Nerve and try to locate the checkbox that would take me OFF of The Onion, but there was none.

I have the ad up all the time -regardless of my single or non- status- because I like seeing who spends their money on sending me notes. It's an ego-boosting, passive exercise. Very girl. I'm a girl. By the way.

not just Patrick Watson

You know I never mentioned before that I saw another local celebrity of sorts at a $0.99 pizza place on St. Laurent not too long ago. You know that old, blonde hippie woman with the blue eyeliner that asks for change on St. Denis? Yeah, she was having a slice at the parlour on St. Laurent and Rachel, and a Pepsi.

Caroline says she saw the "french" guy from Gilmour Girls, the one that works at the same hotel as Lorelei, in the elevator at work, coming from the 3rd floor gym.

On being Energetic...

Sometimes, I like to stay up, and out, until the sun is shining bright in the clear blue sky and I know that I've had just about as much fun as I could possibly have. Like Friday. And Saturday. I am usually the one saying "no way, I refuse to believe it's XX:XX am! Come on, it's sooo early!"

I feel bad for everyone that had a boring, run-of-the-mill weekend when I had all this love around me, and the Energetic part of me was rolling in it like a pig in mud.

First, on Friday, when I should have been resting up for what was coming on Saturday, I biked and danced along the streets of the Plateau with a troupe of beautiful young innocents who would never want to hurt a soul. Saw a guy I recognized outside a 99 cent slice pizza place and asked him if his name was Patrick. It was. He was the guy that opened for The Stills when I saw them at Club Soda, Patrick Watson.

But highest on my list of memorable events was an awesome conversation at Korova with my friend Button. There is nothing more reassuring than knowing that, on issues that have taken up much of your time and mental energy, your friends agree with you. Sweet.

On Saturday I was awoken by a well intentioned call from my dad on my cell. When I hung up I wanted to throw the phone on the armchair andget back in bed, but I ended up throwing it against the wall, because that's how little restorative sleep I had had. Needed to get up anyway, take the bride's dress to her hotel room, get my hair done, my nails done, drain my bank account and whatnot.

My cameras were stolen from my apartment recently and I forgot to buy a disposable so I have no pictures of my own of the wedding. It was awesome. What a ceremony! Everyone was crying, the girls were passing around a used hanky to dab our eyes while Anna married Fred in two languages. Again, the reassurance of being there when two people who have known each other since puberty do this thing in front of a bunch of other people who have mostly known them just as long or longer, is beautiful.

And that was my second most memorable moment: Jen's husband Mark restoring my faith in faith, in the existence of love and good coincidences. I cannot smile enough. It was like someone was showing me something that I always knew was there, this place that I used to live in but that I left a long time ago because I was young and hurt and I wanted to run away. I thought this place had ceased to exist without me, but it turns out it's alive and well if you believe Mark about it. And trust me, you believe Mark when he tells it.

Saturday turns into Sunday and weddings and me in tight dresses do strange things to cute boys. I want to declare myself innocent. Like I said to my friend Shane a lot earlier this morning, in my journeys I have found that men and women often overestimate each other. We women think that men know what they're doing, but they don't. And you men think that we women know what we're doing, but we don't. One of the two probably needs to tell the other that.

On an on-going quest for meaningful communication, more of this love stuff, and not too many vodka tonics if possible, I leave you with The Stills:

don't be afraid to be afraid here with me
and plunge
little worm
into the worm-hole with me.

ok, ok

I have more positive things to say (than in the earlier post below).

Like it's Anna&Fred's wedding this Saturday!! YAY! I'm dying to see what it's like, I have no idea what they've planned. Love surprises. Good thing they're not getting married in a church because that's the part where I get waaay more nervous than the bride and start grinding my teeth.

Check this out! http://www.brokenflowersmovie.com/ Can't get enough of Bill Murray. He's like: hope for the doomed.

MoWest Vibe

Man, even when I have nothing to say, my fingers are just itching to write about something. What the hell is wrong with me? Incontinencia brinckiana, bien dicho Gonzalo.

So my headache is gone (for now). Yoga did the trick, old trustworthy and sweaty activity. I might say a lot of stuff about inspired discoveries regarding self-imposed anxiety and how this all links back to the documentary on super spellers, Spellbound, but I'm not feeling very ...ahem...smart today so I won't.

After yoga the bunch of us went to sprawl around Jeanne Mance Park in the dark and then made it to Maison Thai before closing for some scrumptious samosas! We were riding our bikes and I felt like I was 10 years old again and any second someone was going to say "let's go to Mini-Cout and buy more candy and not do ANYTHING because it's the middle of summer and we have nothing to do until September!"

Nostalgia efect -of the happy variety, thankfully- probably compounded by the fact that the day before I'd gone to the Montreal West pool for a nanosecond and then walked down my *favourite street in the whole world* to see if the Paradis were home but they weren't.

Why would anyone say anything bad about MoWest? See, the only bad thing I can think of... is, um, when people who NEVER SEE YOU start saying stuff about your life. I suppose this is precisely the type of thing I shouldn't write about in a blog. All I'm saying, and just to get it off my handsome chest, is that there may be one or two people from that small place who I'd like to call up and ask "hey, so, how's my love life lately? I hear you know all about it." Geez-us.

Fickle

Screw this. Why *shouldn't* I tell a bunch of stangers about the mundane, self-centered stuff that goes on in my life, eh?

Yeah, I've been reading a bunch of other Montreal blogs, and please. They're quite good. So why shouldn't I be one of them? What's my other option? Shall I got to the Bifteck and get drunk and slouch over the bar saying "I used to be number 7, you know? That's right! I was the sevennss besstest blog -hic!- in this craaazy city". Meh.

Plus I have this killer headache that I know I can't get rid of and I'm thinking a little spewing of intimacies on the web might be JUST the cure!

The only thing is, I've got to make sure I don't repeat the past. That is, this is no longer a supposed personal blog to keep my friends in Chile up to date on my life because you know what? Doesn't work. Para eso seguirán recibiendo mis mails masivos, con información *super exclusiva adicional!* This has got to be unabashedly public. I have no idea how to spell unabashedly, but I can pronounce it!

So what's new, chickies? New is the Metropolitan poster I've currently got the winning bid on on Ebay. I love that movie so much. Do you know that the poster I'm bidding on costs, like, US$50 on some movie poster site, but I'm getting it for only US$15 on Ebay. Gonna frame it and everything. So cool, so prep.

Peeps, this summer has contained the most awesomest weather ever, hasn't it? It's so hard to be unhappy when the days are perfect and sunny and HOT. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am trying VERY HARD to be unhappy. I told you, my head hurts A LOT, and it probably won't stop hurting for a while because it's a psychosomatic thing, you know? Physical pain to drive home the other kind. But whatev. Just cuz I don't sleep well anymore and I have a couple of bricks pressing down on my chest all day and I feel like I'm at the bottom of a closed box, doesn't mean I can't appreciate the fine, fine weather, does it now? Nah.

Other cuasi-worthwhile things to talk about today? I hosted a picnic for some friends over here at Lafontaine Park, behind my house. No one knew anyone else except me. That has got to be my favourite kind of social interaction experiment. If you can get over your social anxiety and talk to strangers, just because they are friends of mine, than you may be a friend of mine. That deserves some respect.

Hey, I just won my Metropolitan poster! Awesome!

My head still hurts. Would you mind just making it STOP?

Shade of Blue: Breaking my Promises

Although, technically I did say the break was "indefinite", right? so that's not a "never" but my INTENTION was "never", but since I rarely say what I mean, I'm obviously counting this discrepancy in my favour. What else is new. Anyway, the reason I'm breaking vow of silence is to tell you this:

Why Montreal is the Most Awesomest City Ever

fifteen minutes ago I left my house in a somewhat poopy mood, shades of blue by the black rebel motorcycle club in my head, almost slipping down that slope of "what did I do wrong" idiocity, when out of the dep a few blocks from my house I see the handsomest delivery guy ever, wheeling a dolly out. Beautiful tan skin, dark blue eyes and spiky but un-geled dark brown hair.

-Bonjour mademoiselle, ca va bien?

-Oui, merci, I said, walking past him, looking kind of at the ground.

-C'est une belle journee, n'est pas?

-Oui. I already had by back to him and kept walking.

-Vous aussi vous etes belle.

-Merci.

Smile!

And then, to complete the happy cycle, a block later there was a cute busker sitting on the ground in front of a restaurant and he looked up and gave me a "bonjour mademoiselle" aussi.

Although I may be sick and tired of the predominance of looks as a reason for thinking you like people... I definitely give full props to these boys and their "bonjour mademoiselles". Treating me like a lady, you are making my day.

Repeat: Offender

This blog may go on hiatus for an indefinite amount of time now. It's not the summer, it's me. As always, re-analysis of the situation is paralyzing. Just ask my novel.

my final message: an abstract version of a request -> K K K K K

* * *

Estoy pensando que el blog necesita un recreo. Así que por un tiempo indefinido creo que voy a dejar de escribir aquí. Salgan a divertirse, y nos vemos en el mail.

Celebrity Sighting a la chilena

Ayer cruzando el Parque Jeanne Mance, al costado de la "montana", escuche detras de mi a un hombre gritar "compadre!" y supe que era chileno, pero no me di vuelta a mirar porque para que?

Hoy al pasar por frente del bar electronico Laika (donde sirven pisco sour), vi a un tipo muy guapo y muy familiar... hmm.. si! Era Luciano, a quien una vez hace siglos atras entreviste por guapo. Asi me gusta el periodismo. Estaba con Pier Bucci, creo. Se me confunden los nombres, pero se perfectamente cual de los hermanos es porque cuando entrevista a Telefon Tel Aviv durante Mutek en 2003, el estaba ahi y me dijo que me encontraba cara de conocida, pero juraba que nos habiamos conocido ... en Berlin.

Y nuevamente estamos en temporada Mutek. Yo no le doy mas plata a esa gente. Villalobos no aparecio para una fiesta y no avisaron asi que perdi mis $25 y aunque hinche, no me los devolvieron. Yo no juego asi. Les saco la lengua. thpth, pero en mala.

excess stuff to say

Geez, I feel like I have a ton of trivial things to say. And the best part is I don't care if they ARE trivial. I don't even know who reads this anymore. It's certainly lost its original purpose of keeping a certain group of friends up to date on my all important life, because those friends don't even seem to read it. Some of them do, but... anyway, it's gone off its course and I don't even care! :)

I'm also writing this in English more and more, which is very annoying for everyone in Chile, but hey... si me conocen saben que yo no hago promesas.

What's up:

Button's getting married this Saturday. Very good.
I indirectly denied X's role in my life twice last week, but I feel I was justified since it's none of their business right?
Bought a cool mug in Orlando with the following faces on it: Malificent from Sleeping Beauty, Evil Stepmother from Snow White, Ursula from Little Mermaid, and Cruella Deville from 101 Dalmations. I love it. Embrace my evil "side" (aka "whole" heh)
I got a rash on my arm, possibly from intense sunbathing at the hotel pool on Monday. I hope it clears up before the wedding.
Gonna start reading A Man In Full (T. Wolfe), I promise.
Wish I could swallow an Encyclopedia Brittanica and actually remember everything in it. Why have I been damned with this spacey Aquarian memory??
Got emails from Luis, Gaby, and an invitation to a Sacred Heart mass in Chile. Another girl replied to All and said "I don't really *do* mass anymore..." Hilarious.
Josh Rouse.
Bright Eyes.
Rushmore soundtrack.
26 degrees.
Read a poem I really liked in the May 30 New Yorker. I think that's the second time that's ever happened. I'm trying to think of the best way to keep it (ie, not just cut it out and stick it in a box somewhere)
I got a call from a boy on a plane today. Very good.

Atlanta International Airport

(espanol -no es traduccion del ingles- al final)

I’m more comfortable in a hospital than in an airport. Although I’ve been flying since I was two weeks old (to be shown off to the family in Chile), I find I hate it more and more as I get older. It’s a completely unpleasant experience and I’m astonished that a survey published in the USA Today (“the nation’s paper”) said most people are more than satisfied with their flying experiences.

So, was it I’m picking up on that they’re not, or vice versa? Doesn’t it bother these happy people that we’re in a sarcophagus-shaped bullet, breathing recycled, dried-out air, subjected to the loud droning of the engine, unable to get a free meal anymore, or even decent headphones?

Since most of the flights I take are out of Canada, I usually have to be at the airport 2 hours ahead of time. And then wait. Wait, wait and wait. When you take a train, even across the border, you don’t need to go through this hurry-up-and-wait thing…

I have a checklist of things I need to carry with me when I travel, and one of them is a magazine, one that I can actually read, not just flip through (ie, not People). Most of them time, when I’m leaving I’ll take a Maisonneuve since I’m subscribed and I’m too cheap to buy a new magazine. On my way back I like a New Yorker, but that’s not always available in certain airports. I take a bottle of water to counter airplane air dehydration. If it’s a long flight, like the 20 hour journey to Chile, I have a small pillow that’s beautiful when you need to nap in an airport.

Lately, I’m concerned with spreading some more positive seeds of thought out there (Ms. Seed Spreader I am), so I would like to point out that airline magazines seem to have gotten better in the last couple of years. Particularly Air Canada and American Airlines. Right now, as a regular coach, middle class traveler for business and pleasure, my favourite carriers are those two and Lan Chile, which is the absolute best. Free wine in real glasses, and as I’ve pointed out in the past, I am positive they use aromatherapy to wake you up after the overnight stretch of the flight.

Now that’s service.

* * *
Hay que ir a Estados Unidos para darse cuenta del enorme desperdicio de recursos y espacio que debe ser llenado en vertederos en ese prospero país. Los esfuerzos que uno hace en una compacta ciudad como Montreal (con 1.8 millones de habitantes en la isla) son como migas comparado con lo que se podría hacer en territorios vastos como Orlando, donde he estado la semana recién pasada en una conferencia.

Hasta ahora, ningún centro de convenciones ha tenido acceso a reciclaje. Es algo en lo que me gustaría trabajar dentro de mi empresa. Una compañera de trabajo me mando al sitio greenmeetings.com y por ahí quiero ver como podemos mejorar al menos nuestros servicios. En la sección de las conferencias en que yo trabajo –la inscripción- se pierde mucho papel y plástico.

En la CBC, la radio nacional canadiense, escuche una nota acerca de los cartoneros chilenos y su ejemplar sistema para economías similares. Claramente, los Estados Unidos están en una posición muy diferente.

Aunque es ampliamente sabido que este país es uno de los sino el principal causante de los efectos nocivos al medioambiente del mundo, hay que verlo para creerlo. Hasta las luces que se dejan encendidas, o la infinita cantidad de envases y envoltorios plásticos que van a la misma basura que los desperdicios.

En mi experiencia, los americanos son sumamente obedientes y una buena campana de comunicación, creada por el país experto en comunicaciones, podría alterar significativamente el comportamiento de estos ciudadanos. Me pregunto que los esta deteniendo.

Orlando Convention Center

Estaban tocando Massive Attack por los parlantes del centro de convenciones de Orlando ayer en la manana. Del Blue Lines.

something i wrote on the plane

You know, I wasn’t really angry at all those things I wrote about last time. I dislike them, but that was not my true state of mind at the time. No, I was heartbroken and upset by something else: an unsolved dilemma of human relationships.

This I’ve bumped into before, and as my mother says, if you don’t resolve it now, it will only continue to drag by your side until you do. This is: how to disagree.

When I was upset at my old friend A for accusing me of lying about my cluelessness, I decided that our friendship was more important to me than insisting on making myself believed. But this was a small issue, and more importantly, a very personal one.

Is ideology personal?

“It had to be this way.”

“But the price was too high, I can’t accept it.”

“The price was low, the alternate outcome would have been devastating.”

“How can we know what would have happened?”

“Well, we can’t.”

This seems to be the only point to agree on.

The dilemma I have is this: as a self-defined liberal I want everyone to live their life independently, with their own free thoughts and opinions. This means I also want people who are radically opposed to my liberalism to have the exact same rights. This means that I want people to disagree with me, because their right to do so ensures my right to the same. But I can’t help feeling hurt when I see that, while we all seem to want a peaceful existence, some of us want to quash … no, some of us believe we have no alternative BUT to quash others freedoms in order to guarantee our own. This is the central point of my heartbreak, and I hope I am wrong about it, but I don’t think I am. Some of us prefer open meadows and others feel they have no choice but gated communities.

Postscript: I don’t think any of us are right. I don’t believe there is such a measurable thing as being right. Only ideas and opinions and routes, but no correct one and no pot of gold at the end for anyone, by the way.

Catharsis

Do you know what I hate?
I bet you don't.
I cannot stand it when people call their better-half their partner in crime. That is just so.... argh! It *sounds* like something very unique but so many people say it, it's just a big, ugly cliché, and thereby destroys the meaning of it the very second that you say it, you see what I mean? I cannot stand it.

And anyway, puh-leeze, these people commit no crimes. They don't even swear. What kind of fake lifestyle are you trying to convince us you live? Don't jest.

My problem is I hate a lot of stuff that people I love very much do and say. So I can't go into it in much detail here. I'm trying to be nice. I'm working really hard at it. As hard as lazy-Isabel-painter me can, anyway. Nice, Isabel. Nice kitty.

But I might as well also add that I strongly dislike the use of the phrase "I'm a visual person" (hear me grating my teeth). Again, it's such an overused ridiculous phrase. No, actually, you're just stupid and you can't understand when people talk to you so you need to pretend like you need to read it to get it.

AnywayS instead of anyway is very annoying, but I deal with it, because it's a losing battle.

People who drag their feet should be slapped in public.

Honkers.

You know? I don't even mind nails scratching on a blackboard. I consider myself a tolerant person.

But if the man who lives below me does not cease and desist playing his bongo (or is it the girl next door, I can't tell in this building), I'll... I'll...

do nothing.

Nostalgia vs lo Efimero

I miss certain routines, like going to the library in the basment of St. Ignatius of Loyola after mass. My mother -who rarely smiled back then- clearly adored the old ladies who volunteered as librarians. They're probably gone now.

Me gusta el arte pasajero. Me gustan los grafitti y las calcamonias, harto. Son el momento, el contexto. Ves lo que alguien trato de decir por un segundo y luego te das vuelta y ya no esta. Rajado, como esta a la que le tome una foto el anyo pasado en la calle Marie-Anne. Hoy solo queda la mitad.

Printemps et marriage

(castellano a continuacion)

The things that are keeping me away from my home computer lately:

- spring. Spring! It’s spring in Montreal, can you think of anything better? The trees are finally green, for real, and I’m right next to Lafontaine park, where the shades are all deep. From work I can see Mount Royal and it’s awesome.
- Work. We were recently sent a memo kind of enforcing something that was already in the employee manual, about not using instant messenger, or sharing iTunes or the internet during business hours. So, as always, I cut down but didn’t quit. You know what I mean?
- Back to back episodes of Law & Order, Criminal Intent and the season finale of CSI directed by Quentin Tarantino, ohmygod!! I broke free from its reign for a little, but I’m back on the TV smack. I’m saying now it’ll just be until the season’s final episodes of all the usual: Lost, the OC, Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, in that order.
- Free trade coffee from Oxfam that I found at a super cool Loblaw’s in a mysterious place east of the Plateau called Angus. I think it’s called Angus; there are plenty of signs that say that, but like I said, I’d never seen this area before, and I’ve been all over this island. Maybe it’s “Lost”, teehee.
- Pre-wedding activities for Button’s, which will be followed by Anna’s. Tonight I’m going to have a little meeting with someone who’s already been an MC to get some help preparing for my own role as MC of Button & Nick’s reception. We’re meeting at the driving range in Nun’s Island. Again, I’m wearing a skirt. But not heels! I have never worn heels to the driving range, I must insist. Skirts, yes, heels, no. I wonder if they serve mimosas, since I don’t do beer.

Para ponerlos al dia, en parte, les cuento que no me estan pescando ustedes… Donde estan los mails contandome de sus vidas? Es que todo se acabo ya, y no somos mas amigos? Miren que no estoy siempre en messenger desde que en la oficina nos mandaron un memo pidiendo que desistieramos del uso del ancho de banda… les hice el favor de cortar mi messenger. Seria todo.

Los matrimonios en Canada son parecidos pero diferentes a los de Chile. Hay muchas mas cosas que hacer –y comprar- antes del gran evento. Por ejemplo, aparte de la noche de soltera –que eso si se hizo para varios de los matrimonios a los que fui en Santiago- este domingo fui a un bridal shower. Yo creo que las minas cuicas deben estar imitando este modelo alla no? Onda, vestidos bonitos y te en taza con las mamas y las tias? Se le regalan cosas a la novia; van puras mujeres. Desde cosas de bano hasta ropa interior que mas bien es un regalo para el novio, se entiende. Pero todo muy sutil, porque no es apropiado actuar como en la noche de soltera… Me la pase sirviéndole verduritas crudas con dip a todo el mundo. Colegio catolico de mujeres, mi largo entrenamiento en como parecer refinada sin serlo. Los looks de las otras invitadas variaron entre lo que probablemente era una imitación de Chanel hasta ropa usada, claramente. Pero esa era la hermana menor de la novia y tiene permiso para ser ella misma. Comimos chocolates hechos por la tia, sandwichitos, galletitas, todo chiquito, chiquita.

Hable con la prima de la novia, que me describio algunos matrimonios en Korea, donde invitan hasta a mil personas. Es decir, a todo todo el mundo que conocen. No me imagino como lo pagan, pero parece que se da plata solamente entonces uno paga su parte asi. Y, lo mas chocante en mi opinión, firmas un registro con la cantidad que diste! O sea que todos se enteran. Brrr!

Aca tambien se da plata como regalo. De hecho, estos novios, que se casan el 4 de junio, pidieron plata. Me carga dar plata porque no hay espacio para la creatividad, para lucirse con algo que te salio barato pero que parece mas caro, cachai? Pero bueno, el matrimonio no es mio, asi que hago lo que me piden no mas.

doomedbutenergetic:Top 7 Montreal Blog!

So, I figure this means at least 4 people voted for me... That is if I count 1 vote for 10th place, 2 votes for 9th place, 3 for 8th... and then me!

Who are you??? Half this blog is in Spanish anyway, haha.

Hilary, was that you? :P

Pretty cool, still. Surprising and cool. Of course, they put the name wrong. Not spelled wrong, but wrong blog name. It's Doomed But Energetic, not "Isabel Brinck". Who's Isabel Brinck??

****

Esto sí que es loco. Este blog salió séptimo entre los Mejores Blog de Montreal, según los lectores del semanario alternativo The Mirror. Sorprendente porque este es un blog personal al que evidentemente no le hago promoción ni está escrito "para ser leído" más que por los amigos. Pero bueno... uno pone las cosas en Internet y pierde el control. Puedo vivir con eso :)

Quizás hay un contingente de lectores hispanoparlantes? Misterios sin resolver...

Social

(English follows; not exact translation)

La vida social me ataca. Mayo es el mes. Deje botado el blog –que solo tres personas leen, pero son tres personas importantes- por andar en reuniones de damas de honor, por quedarme pegada en messenger con alguien, por tartar de dedicar mis ratos libres a pasar la aspiradora al menos mensualmente.

Pero aqui estoy nuevamente. Quiero mostrarles las fotos que mando mi mama de su reciente viaje a Buenos Aires, junto a su taller literario. Lo que hacen es leer y comentar. Un hallazgo de actividad para la senora Sarita. Y el viaje lleno de paseos organizados por ella, mejor aun. Leo es un signo organizador, de eso me acuerdo. Leo, Tauro, Acuario y Escorpion: los organizadores del zodiaco.

En todo caso, les cuento que estoy bien. En realidad muy bien. Después de desarmar mi puzle existencial en marzo, estoy juntando las piezas de nuevo. Siempre quedan mas bonitas después. Y por supuesto que la primavera y un proto-romance no hacen mal tampoco… No cuento mas detalles aca porque el blog es publico y esta parte de mi vida no. Debi haber sido famosa: “esta parte de mi vida es privada”.

Ayer salio el sol de una manera inedita este anyo en Montreal. Es una luz y una sensación que solo asocio a esta ciudad, a esta isla en un rio. Me hizo reconectarme con lo que sentia de nina: total conexión con las cosas a mi alrededor; sin el desapego de estos dias. Veo todo como mas de cerca, la pintura descascarada de alguna murulla, los tulipanes nuevos en colores fuertes, las texturas de las casas, de las veredas. Es realmente como estar inmerso en el aquí y el ahora, y eso es un estado que ligo fuertemente a mi infancia en Montreal. Creo que nadie se lo puede imaginar si no ha estado aquí en verano. Lastima que yo no sepa describirlo adecuadamente.

Quiero saber del resto. Por favor escríbanme al mail o dejenme un comentarito chico. Eso si, los comentarios me los firman por favor, porque estoy ASI DE CERCA de prohibir los comentarios anónimos. Los odio, aunque sean de mi mama en el 90% de los casos ;)

*Anoche sone con la Antonia, no me acuerdo que. *Que es de ti, Luisin Bombin? *Todos esperando el nacimiento de Tobi Marquez Guarda!

Just wanted to show these pictures my mother sent me from her recent trip to Buenos Aires with her literary workshop. They don’t write; they read and talk. It’s absolutely perfect for her. So here she is, the blond in black, for those who don’t know her. And the house you see belonged to an Argentinean writer, Victoria Ocampo. My mom organized a visit to the place. Isn’t it luxurious?

Up above, in the Spanish, I was saying how yesterday I felt the sun in a very particular Montreal way for the first time this year. It’s like nowhere else I’ve ever been and its effect is what I associate with what Montreal “is”. It’s a very here-and-now thing, where I feel immersed in everything going on around me. Suddenly the paint on the house, the texture of the walls, the sidewalks, the new tulips sprouting in orange-red and yellow, they all feel super connected to me, like that’s all that matters.

Oh! I remembered this scene in La Ciociara, Two Women, starring Sophia Loren and Jean-Paul Belmondo. It’s a wonderful, slightly painful movie about the Second World War. And there’s this scene after an air raid and possibly some bombs, where Sophia and Jean-Paul have fallen on the grass to keep safe, and then the noise stops and one of them looks up and is very close to the grass and sees a blade of it with a ladybug going along its way, like nothing ever happened. Do you know what I mean? It’s that.

She bangs the drums

(English follows)

Hablando con Amy anoche, mencioné otro antiguo pensamiento (como la decisión de la Vida Pequeña): que si existe la reencarnación, entonces estoy segura de que soy una alma joven.

Sé que mis ideas son superficiales y mis medios de expresión son débiles o simples, en el mejor de los casos. Esto no es falsa modestia. Son mis limitaciones y las tengo claras.

Hay gente realmente brillante en mi vida. Ennegrecida por el tiempo, saben de lo que hablan. Yo sólo estoy aquí para aprender.

Y si algo que debería decir como preludio de mis pequeños pensamientos, como la Vida Pequeña, es que: no estoy pidiendo disculpas. Esta soy yo.

*

Llueve y está nublado en Montreal este sábado. Rica lluvia primaveral. Lástima que sea en fin de semana no más. Cómo estará el tiempo en Europa hoy? Me llega mail de una amigo en Londres. Estuve conversando con la Mariana por MSN, explicándole las no-sutilezas de los ingleses. Estoy terminado de leer el Lobo Estepario.

* * *
Talking to Amy last night I mentioned another old thought (like the Small Life decision): if there is such a thing as reincarnation then I am sure that I'm a young soul.

I know my ideas are superficial and my means of expression weak or simple at best. This is not false modesty. These are my limitations that I am well aware of.

There are some really bright people in my life. Blackened with time, they know what they're talking about. Me, I'm just here to learn.

And if there's anything I should say to prelude my little thoughts, like the Small Life, it's that: hey, I'm not apologizing. This is who I am.

*

Went to see the Hot Hot Heat last night. Too loud. Blinded by the lights. Left before it ended. Yes, of course, my father says it's because I'm 30 now... Mehbe.

Saw Meet the Fockers with him today at the Dollar Cinema. Then some grocery shopping at the Loblaw's up on Park and Jean Talon. TOTALLY different from my little Plateau marché... Lots of Indian men on their own. It's just another crowd, I guess.

* * *

Have you seen and have you heard the way she plays? There are no words to describe the way I feel. -The Stone Roses, She Bangs The Drums

It's lot like life

* * *

Hand me my sentence
I’ll show no repentance
I’ll suffer with pride
If for honesty you want apologies
I don’t sympathize
For kindness you substitute blindness
Please open your eyes
Condemnation
Why?
Because my duty was always to beauty
That was my crime.

* * *
Condemnation is a song by Depeche Mode. Depeche Mode me recuerda a Pancho, y en segundo lugar a Julio Osses, la Cecilia Amenabar y el Velodromo Nacional.

Superhuman

(traducción al español a continuación)

I had this conversation with my friend Luis some years ago, in a night club. I had some pretty good conversations sitting on the red plush bench that ran around the club, while everyone else danced to the DJs. I never danced. I just sat on the bench –I even had a nap once- and talked to whoever needed a break from the dancing.

So I had this one conversation with Luis in which I expressed my nascent theory about how the Best Life is the Small Life. I can’t remember, unfortunately, what my logical path was to get there, but that was the conclusion and it meant a lot to me. It still means a lot to me. I often wonder, put in different ways, if I should be aspiring to be something more, something greater, or something smaller, something less. Both seem difficult, which doesn’t make it any easier to choose.

The Greater option would be a life full of signs of success. Fame, money, power. The Smaller option would be shedding the desire for those things and working on being satisfied by less. So that night on the red bench I chose the Small Life. And I still think I was right in a way, although I have something to add now.

It seems so much more fulfilling to be the David Suzuki, the Albert Einstein of the picture rather than some Nobel Prize winner who may have done more for the world on his own terms, but remained detached from it. It’s too cold. If regular people can’t “get” you, then what are you doing in the world, really? It’s only partially related but I remember this quote from Franny and Zooey where Mrs. Glass says to one of the kids, “I don’t know what good it is to know so much and be smart as whips and all, if it doesn’t make you happy.”

I am certainly not selling happiness. Happiness is a hormone, as far as I’m concerned. But seriously, what good is knowing anything if you can’t share it with people who wouldn’t otherwise have access to those ideas, with the mainstream?

My goal is the middle.

For me, this is part mission, part consolation. It makes a lot of sense to me, personally, and so like my choice of the Smaller Life, I’ll carry it forward. At the same time, I can’t seriously aspire to maximum achievement in life because I’d need to be smarter, more self-disciplined, richer, more ambitious, more energetic, more obsessive, etc. And I can’t possibly aspire to minimum achievement because, honestly, it’s too late for that. I’ve seen stuff, tasted things and thought things I can’t erase to go backwards. So, essentially, this is the most convenient path for me, and at the same time I really believe in it.

So I just thought I’d share :)

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Tuve una conversación con mi amigo Luis hace algunos años, en un club de música electrónica. Tuve conversaciones bastante buenas sentada en ese banco de plush rojo que recorría el club, mientras los demás bailaban. Yo nunca bailé. Simplemente me sentaba en el banco –incluso dormí una siesta una vez- y conversaba con el que quisiera un respiro del baile.

Así que tuve esta conversación con Luis en la cual le expresé mi naciente teoría en ese momento acerca de por qué la Mejor Vida es la Vida Pequeña. Desafortunadamente no me acuerdo de cómo llegué a esa conclusión, pero ésa fue y era importante para mí. Aún lo es. Me suelo preguntar, de diferentes manera, si debería aspirar a ser algo más, algo más grande, o al contrario, si debería aspirar a algo más pequeño, algo menos. Ambos caminos son difíciles, lo cual no lo hace muy fácil de elegir.

La opción Más sería una vida llena de signos externos de éxito. Fama, plata, poder. La opción Menos sería eliminar el deseo de esas cosas y trabajar en estar satisfecha con el mínimo. Así que esa noche sobre el banco rojo elegí la Vida Pequeña. Y sigo creyendo que tenía razón de alguna manera, aunque tengo algo que agregar ahora.

Me parece tanto mejor ser el David Suzuki, el Albert Einstein de la película, en vez del ganador del Premio Nobel que puede haber hecho más por el mundo a su manera, pero que se mantuvo distante de él. Es demasiado frío. Si la gente normal no te entiende, seriamente, dime ¿qué haces en el mundo? Sólo está levemente relacionado pero me acordé de una cita de Franny y Zooey, cuando la Sra. Glass le dice a uno de los hijos:

- No sé de qué les sirve saber tanto y ser tan inteligentes si no los hace felices.

Ciertamente no estoy vendiendo felicidad acá. En mi opinión, la felicidad es apenas una hormona. Pero en serio, ¿de qué sirve saber cosas si no las puedes compartir con la gente que de otra manera no tendría acceso a esas ideas; con el mainstream?

Mi meta es el medio.

Para mí, esto es en parte misión, en parte consuelo. Me hace sentido, y por eso, como mi elección por la Vida Pequeña, seguiré este camino. A la vez, no puedo seriamente aspirar a los logros máximos en la vida porque tendría que ser más inteligente, más auto-disciplinada, más rica, más ambiciosa, más energética, más obsesiva, etc. Y no puedo aspirar al mínimo porque, seamos sinceros, es tarde para eso. He visto cosas, probado cosas, pensado cosas, que no puedo borrar para retroceder. Así que, esencialmente, este es el camino más conveniente para mí, y a la vez, realmente creo en él.

Así que pensé que lo compartiría con ustedes.