Delete Yourself

Last night I was remembering this not-so-great movie starring David Schwimmer, aka Ross of Friends fame. At the end of the movie he's making a wedding speech and he quotes some French writer, name sounds like Rochlafoucault (sorry for the imprecision in my blog!):

"True love cannot be found where it does not truly exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does."

Normally, I'm one of those cynical romantics. I don't believe "everything happens for a reason". Or maybe I do, but I definitely believe we aren't possibly able to determine that reason -that would be like ants understanding the organizational structure of cityworks- so why don't we just accept that it's all a chaos for us and let it go?

But once in a while I feel like *something* is making a patent difference in my life. You know those times when things could totally have gone another way, but they went THIS way and that made all the difference? This can be a great thing, like in Pulp's song Something Changed ("I could have stayed at home and gone to bed. I could have gone to see a film instead. You might have changed your mind and seen your fiend. Life could have been very different but then something changed") but it can also be a mean thing, and then I wonder what exactly *something*'s goddamn plan is exactly...

Going back to last night, I was walking towards a vernissage (art exhibit opening, for non-montrealers) and I was awfully close to a certain someone's apartment. Let's call him Groan. And I knew, that no matter what I did or didn't do, if I was *meant* to bump into this person I would and if I wasn't, I wouldn't. I knew that I could wait outside his door, and if it wasn't *meant* to happen, he would never show up; and I might go out of my way to try to avoid him in the city, but if it was *meant* to happen, I wouldn't be able to avoid bumping into him. And to continue quoting songs, in the words of Damien Rice's Blower's Daughter: "and so it is".

Kristen and I went to the vernissage, which was actually quite good, and then walked to Café Campus to watch Chris's band's CD launch. They are Lo & The Magnetics, heirs to the Canadian ska legacy of he Kingpins. I saw The Kingpins at the Jazzfest 2000 and last night's show was no less exciting. I wish I could write a scene like that show.

Anyway, after the show the DJ's music was brilliant. He played LCD Soundsystem's new single, Daft Punk Is Playing In My House. But unfortunately that crowd (not the same as the one who had watched the show, I must point out) did not deserve that music. Too many little girls in tight jeans and summer tops. We got out.

Kristen was complaining (in a nice way!) about always going to the same places, same people, same music, etc. So we discussed going somewhere OTHER than Pistol. But once we were standing outside the door I asked her:

"This is your decision" (in my ultimate 30year old guru voice) "do you want to stay here or go to Missy Bar?"

"Either is fine with me"

"No, you have to decide"

"Oh, alright, here is fine"

So we went into Pistol. Certain...elements... presences...which I really don't want to go into here...made my Spideysenses tingle and I thought: it's going to happen. Once more, Damien says: "and so it is".

Just as I'm downing the last drop of my Johnnie Walker Red Label and getting ready to go home, who oh who pops into the vision line? Only Groan. Groooaaaan. Wipe that nervous hand-in-the-cookie-jar smile off your face, dude. Please.

I almost smoked a cigarette. Not because the occasion merited it. God knows the occasion that sparked my smoking habit in the first place didn't deserve it either. But that's how it goes. Anyway, I didn't. I wanted to, but I didn't. I walked home, in the snow.

I slept.

I woke up an hour early. I hate that. So I got up and I wrote this blog because I like to share. But if anyone ever ruins my sleep again, I will hurt them.

*Delete Yourself is the title of a song by Alec Empire aka Atari Teenage Riot