I need a housewife

What I am looking for is someone to:

*clean my apartment
*make small home repairs (see post re: my broken curtain)
*run errands

More about me:

*I'm out of the house a lot, don't have time to sit around waiting for a load of laundry to get done in the building's basement before anyone steals my basket (again)
*I like to eat healthy, simple things but can barely get around to purchasing them at the supermarket, much less preparing them into lunches
*Life is chaos, things break, my list of items in need of repair or change is growing and I'm not doing anything about it. Can you help?

Ideal housewives are:

*Equally opportunity employer
*Harassment free environment
*Fair pay, fair labour conditions
*Must enjoy taking care of *moi* and *mes needs* and thrive on praise