Blast From the Past: a drama

Over Christmas I kind of went gaga over a boy. I met him in New York, at a Christmas party. He reminded me of a mix between Tobey Maguire and a really beloved friend of mine in Chile. The guy was also Chilean, which is pretty unusual for me, since I don’t meet many of them here. Anyway, we really hit it off and after the party he asked for my number to go on a date while I was in the city. I was seeing Hot French Guy back in Montreal and was in Holy Smokes New York, so my attitude was very relaxed and positive. I probably laughed when I gave him my number.

Anyway, a couple of days later he called and we set up that date. The date was pretty amazing. It was just dinner and drinks, but it was sooo fun. Maybe it was because he was Chilean but talking with him felt like home. Like we were really speaking the same language, metaphorically. He made me feel great and I swooned. I was so sad I wouldn’t see him again after I left the city. And did I mention he had a girlfriend? Anyway, I got on the bus a few days later and texted my goodbye. He texted back, he didn’t want to think we wouldn’t see each other again. Later we began emailing, hurrah! Emails came and went several times a day and we spoke on the phone on weekends. Shortly after I returned he told me he broke up with his girlfriend. My ever present desire to live in the big apple started increasing. If I didn’t need a work visa, I would have moved right then and there. He gave me advice and information on visas. It was January and I wanted a new life on the spot.

But then something changed. His emails were delayed. They petered out, as I put it at the time. Something was definitely up. I knew he was extremely busy but when you know, you know. And I knew. My next trip to New York was coming up and I needed to know what page we were on. I texted him: what happened? He emailed back immediately: “so sorry I haven’t written. My life is a mess. I got back together with my ex. She’s actually living with me. I know it sounds weird, but I kind of feel like I owe it to her.” I wrote back “I won’t lie. I’m disappointed by what you’re saying. I think sometimes you have to sort stuff out by yourself and this is one of those times. I’ll be in New York next week but I would prefer not to see you.” Him: “It will be hard to know you’re in the city and not see you, but I understand. I’m in a bad place right now.I don't know how this happened.” Me: “Well, this was always dramatic, but it used to be fun drama and now it’s not. Who knows? If you don’t marry the girl (joke) maybe I’ll see you again sometime in the future.” That was the end of our communication. I had wanted to keep it open-ended, because you never do know, but I definitely knew that it was over. I am strongly against people who act like their lives just “happen” to them and that’s what this latest development sounded like to me. Plus, I had just had possibly the biggest dose of drama a human can withstand the year before and didn't want to get sucked into this.

Anyway, life goes on. At first, and for a while, I was really disappointed. I had believed, I had felt someone else believed too, and then they walked away. It was a bit difficult to deal with, but then an early dose of Spring in the form of Drama-Free Kaybeer swung open a door and the past was forgotten. New York would remain one of my favourite travel destinations, the flash romance a quirky thing of the past, etc.

Until the other night, when the blast from the past called. I was asleep and confused. He said he had dreamt about me and had the impulse to call. I was still confused, but acted friendly. This, I guess, is what frightens me. There are certain people who somehow have access to these secret buttons in me that make me do things like be friendly even though what I want to say is “What the hell is the matter with you? Who do you think you are?? Get out of my life and don’t ever show your face here again!”

Overall, I feel like the blast from the past is a reminder of something I already knew: that after a couple of years of almost non-stop drama, I acknowledge I bring it on myself a lot but if I have a real alternative, I want nothing to do with it ever again.